Short Shorts for the Summer

Short Shorts

~The Irony of it All~

   The clouds were black and angry looking as the rain pelted the tin roof of the camper trailer. Thunder rolled overhead. Lighting streaked the sky.
    Lois looked out the window into the darkness and cringed at the thought of being stuck inside another day. She hated the idea of losing precious time waiting it out. Boredom had already set in.
    “When is it going to stop?” she hissed. “I don’t mind a good old-fashioned rain, but this is getting ridiculous. It’s been two days now! I want to go hiking!”
    “I know,” her husband said. “Just hang in there, honey. It’ll be over soon.”
    “That’s what you said yesterday.”
    Bret walked over to his wife and caressed her shoulders with his hands ever so gently. “I’m sorry about this, sweetheart. I know how you hate being cooped up, but I’m sure the bad weather won’t last much longer. It’ll probably clear off in the middle of the night.”
    “We’ve wasted two whole days! We could’ve been out in the woods, enjoying the fresh air. We could’ve hiked to the top of the mountain by now.”
    Bret had hauled their sixteen-foot camper behind his heavy-duty Dodge pickup truck so they wouldn’t have to stay in a hotel and could enjoy the freedom of the great outdoors. They planned to travel from one campsite to another and hike the trails along a section of the Appalachian Mountains. They had planned their adventure weeks in advance, but no one could predict the awful weather they would encounter.
    A nor’easter had taken them by surprise and they were forced to put a halt to their mountain trek—if only temporarily.
Bret didn’t mind the change in plans because he could make the best of any situation, but Lois was impatient and always determined to get her way—no matter what. But this time was different. There was nothing she could do except wait out the storm. She whined and complained, saying that she hated being stuck in a camper for two days. This had definitely not been on her agenda.
    Lois met Bret at a party the year before, and right from the start she decided he was going to be the man she would marry. He was handsome, rich and all the girls wanted him. What more could she ask for? She was so excited about the idea of marrying someone so important… and rich.
    The fact is, his money was the most appealing thing to her. It had been that way right from the start. She was mesmerized by all the nice things he had, and couldn’t wait to move into his fabulously gigantic house that was furnished with expensive and lavish furniture. She would rule the roost. She would plan grand parties and show all her friends that she was now a woman of means. She was no longer scrapping to get by.
    But Bret, even though he had lived a lavish lifestyle, had become a frugal man. He refused to waste his money on useless things, so he kept a tight reign on her spending. She was given an allowance, and once she had spent that, she was on her own. This infuriated her.
She quickly discovered that as far as she was concerned, he wasn’t the most exciting man in bed after all. She also hated the fact that he would come home every day and sit in front of the television. It would not have been so bad if he watched interesting programs, but all he cared about was watching the news. He would surf the networks until he found what he wanted to watch, and then after he’d had enough of that channel, he would start his search all over again. This went on until dinner, and then after dinner he would go to bed and watch the news some more.
    She wanted a social life… one more exciting than he was giving her. She wanted to go to parties and meet important people, but he wanted to stay home and raise a family. She swore to herself that was not going to happen. She would see to it. He had promised her the world, but so far, all she had gotten was a tightwad husband who was a bore. She was not about to be saddled down with children!
She was still ticked off that he wouldn’t buy a new Winnebago for the trip, but she let it slide because the camper was fairly nice, all things considered. She could deal with it for the time being. She knew she would eventually have everything she wanted in the end… and if everything went right on this excursion, the end would be soon.
    Yesterday, before the storm hit, they had planned to hike the trail up to the waterfall at the top of the mountain and have a picnic lunch. Bret would use his new digital camera to capture the scenery and take shots of his beautiful wife while she basked in the sun, or posed sitting on a rock. The journey would be invigorating for both of them.
    Lois loved it when he photographed her. When she returned, she would send the pictures over the net to all her friends so they could see what a wonderful life she was living. They would be so envious, and later, they would grieve for her at the loss of her husband.
    You see, Lois had a plan. She would go to the top of the mountain with her husband, but she planned to return alone—after she had pushed him off a cliff. It would be so easy and no one would ever suspect that it was anything but an accident… an unfortunate mishap. She would tell them that her husband lost his footing and tumbled down the side of the mountain, and even though she tried to save him, she just wasn’t quick enough to pull him from the jaws of death. Who would know the difference? Who would be around to see? People slip and fall on hiking trails all the time, and falling from a cliff is usually a death sentence. The medical examiner would rule his death an accident—plain and simple.
    All she had to do was get him to the top of the mountain, make sure that no one was around, and then shove him off a cliff. It would be an ugly death, but bad things have been known to happen to good people.
Then everything he had would be hers. She almost smiled when she thought about her plan, but she concealed her elation from her husband. She had been in a bad mood, and if he saw her smiling he would ask why. No, she had to keep her joy to herself. She had to make it through the night without giving herself away.
    What would happen if Bret found out that she was tired and disgusted with him? Would he try to work out their problems, or would he just kick her out on the street?
    After a simple dinner of salad and wine fixed by her loving husband, Bret and Lois decided to call it a day. There was nothing they could do about the storm, except wait it out. Tomorrow would be a new day and they could pick up where they left off.
    As she lay in bed beside her snoring husband, she couldn’t help but think about all the things she would buy once he was out of the picture. The first thing she would do is go on a cruise. She would tell everyone that she had to get away from all the pain and heartache. She had to clear her head. Who would begrudge her a little solace?
    She dozed off with a smile on her face.
    Morning came in all its brilliance. The sun bathe the land as the wet leaves of the trees glistened in its wake.
    Bret, holding a cup of coffee in his hand, stepped out of the camper, looked up at the sky and smiled. “Come out here, Lois,” he said. “It’s going to be a beautiful day.”
    “Just let me get a cup of coffee first,” she replied as she crawled out of bed. She dug into her duffel bag and pulled out a pair of jeans and T-shirt. As she dressed she called to Bret. “Do you think I’ll need a sweater?”
    “I don’t think so, but it might be a good idea to bring one along just in case.”
    After throwing on her clothes, she walked to the door and peered out. The sun blinded her just for a second. “It sure is sunny out there,” she said as she withdrew to the kitchen area. “I’ll be ready in a minute.”
    “Take your time,” Bret said. “We’re in no hurry.”
    “That’s what you think,” she whispered to herself. “The sooner we get going, the sooner this will all be over.”
    “What did you say, dear?”
    “Oh, nothing, honey.” She pored herself a cup of coffee. “I was just talking to myself.”
    Bret walked back into the camper and said, “I fixed us a picnic basket while you were sleeping.” He walked over to the basket sitting on the counter and lifted the lid. “See—we have tuna sandwiches, some cheese, crackers, and fresh fruit. I also added a bottle of red wine.”
    “That sounds wonderful,” she said as she pretended to be interested. “We’re going to have a good time. I love the mountains.”
    The fact is she really didn’t love the mountains. Her memories of her camping days were as a child, sleeping in a tent. She hated that part, and swore she’d never do it again. She never conveyed this to Bret even when he suggested the trip. As soon as he mentioned that he wanted to go hiking, the wheels started spinning in her head, conjuring up her scheme. What a perfect way to rid herself of a cheapskate, boring husband! That’s when she decided he was going to take a spill off the mountain top.
    “Are you about ready to go?” he asked as he picked up the basket.
    Lois grabbed her sweater, smiled and said, “I’m ready whenever you are.”
    “Then let’s go!” Bret locked the door to the camper and then the doors to his truck.
    “Why are you locking up everything?” Her mind went into a panic. How would she get back in if he fell off the mountain with the keys in his pocket?
    “I don’t feel comfortable leaving everything unlocked,” he replied. “You never know who might be lurking about.”
“Don’t be silly,” she said. “Besides, what would I do if something happened to you and I couldn’t get inside?”
    He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. “We have this,” he said. “If anything should happen to either one of us, the other one could call for help.”
    “What if there’s no reception where we go?”
    “You may have a point,” he said. “I’ll tell you what. I have a spare key to the camper in my glove box. I’ll go get it.”
    “What about an extra key for the truck?”
    Bret turned and looked at her strangely. “Why are you so concerned about having keys to everything?”
    She stiffened as his question hit home. She didn’t want him to become suspicious, so she made up a story. “When I went camping with my folks a long time ago, my dad broke his leg. He slid and fell down the side of the mountain, and my mother couldn’t reach him. She couldn’t get in the car and go for help because he had the keys in his pocket. We had to walk four miles to the nearest house and call for help. My dad lay there in pain for hours before he was rescued. I just don’t want something like that to happen to you.”
    “If you’re that worried… here… take the keys.” He handed her the set of keys. “Just don’t drop them off a cliff or we’ll be walking home.” He laughed.
    She laughed, too.
    “Do you feel better now?” he asked.
    “Yes, I do. Thank you.” She smiled.
    After an hour’s walk, they finally reached the waterfall. They both stood and took in the scenery. Lois couldn’t get over how breathtaking it was.
    “It’s so magnificent here.”
    “Yes, it is,” Bret agreed. “Now you see why I wanted to come.”
    At the top of the mountain there was a big, open space to view the scenery and a great place for a picnic. The end of the trail was guarded by a row of huge boulders that were meant to keep curious hikers from getting too close to the drop-off point.
    “Where are we going from here?” Lois asked.
    If this was the end of the line for them, there was no way she’d be able to accomplish her goal. Bret wasn’t stupid enough to venture past the rock wall, so he surely couldn’t slide down the side of a mountain without doing that. This put a crimp in her plans.
    Then a thought occurred to her. If she could just get him to be adventurous enough to stand on one of the boulders, that’s all it would take. She’d shove him over the cliff! So what if he knew before he died that she had been the one to cause his death? What would it matter then?
    She walked over and jumped up on one of the boulders. “Look, Bret,” she said. “Come join me!”
    “Get down from there right now, Lois. It’s not safe.” He walked over to her and held out his hand. “Please come down, Lois. You could fall.” He looked over the cliff and gasped. “Please, get down right now!” he begged. “The ground’s still damp and your shoes are probably slippery.”
    “I have on hiking boots, Bret. I’m not going to fall. Come on, jump up here with me. It’s so exciting to be this close to the edge!”
Bret turned and walked away. “I’m not going to play your silly game, Lois.”
    Furious at him for being such a fuddy-duddy, she called out to him as she danced on the rock, “See, Bret. I’m fine. Nothing’s going to happen. You’re just a chicken.”
    He turned and walked back over to her.
    “I’m not scared,” he said, his voice dropping to a whisper as not to upset her. “Please get down, honey. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you.”
    “Please Bret. Live a little.”
    After much pleading, she finally coached him up onto the boulder by promising that they would get down after one minute… exactly.
    She held his hand and then took a deep breath of the fresh mountain air.
    “You were right, Bret. This is so beautiful. I’m so glad you brought me here.” She turned to him, let go of his hand and said, “I lied. See you in hell, sucker!”
    She shoved him with all her might and watched as he tumbled down the steep incline into the abyss.
    His screams echoed throughout the hills.
    She jumped down off the huge rock and pranced about, basking in her accomplishment.
    By the time the rescue team finally got to her husband, it was too late. He was already dead. Another round of tears streamed down her checks when one of the EMTs said that if they had gotten to him sooner, he might have lived.
    She told them over and over that she wished she had been the one carrying the cell phone. Maybe her husband would still be alive. She cried and cried, but her tears were only for show. The whole time she kept silently asking herself how much longer this could possibly take. She had things to do, people to see. She wanted to hurry home and start her life over… as a rich widow.
    Lois put on a good front in the following months. She was right about the cruise. When she suggested it, her friends told her it was a good idea to get away for a while. They promised it would do her a world of good.
    She booked a cruise on the Bella Constance the next day heading for the Bahamas. She was thrilled to be doing something so exciting. To top it all off, she met a very interesting man the first day on board.
    He was single, handsome and appeared to be well-off financially. She could tell by the expensive clothes he wore.
    She didn’t question why a man of such means and obvious good looks would take a cruise alone, but that was soon answered during a private dinner in his luxurious stateroom the next night.
    “I have something special for you,” he said as he tossed a large vanilla envelope on the dining table.
    She smiled as she opened the envelope and dumped the contents on the table. Unfortunately, her smile was short-lived when she saw the pictures that had fallen out.
    Evidence of her husband’s murder laid spread out in front of her.
    “How…” she started to ask, but her mouth just fell agape. She looked up at him, bewildered. “Where…”
    “It doesn’t matter how or where,” he replied. “What matters is, how are we going to spend all that money your husband left you?”
    She was shocked beyond belief. Bret had chosen that specific spot because he said no one would be around for miles.
    He was wrong.

The End.

The moral of the story is: Someone is always watching.

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