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~The Irony of it All~
The
clouds were black and angry looking as the rain pelted
the tin roof of the camper trailer. Thunder rolled
overhead. Lighting streaked the sky.
Lois looked out the window into the darkness and cringed
at the thought of being stuck inside another day. She
hated the idea of losing precious time waiting it out.
Boredom set in.
“When is it going to stop?” she hissed. “I don’t mind a
good old-fashioned rain, but this is getting ridiculous.
It’s been two days now! I want to go hiking!”
“I know,” her husband said. “Just hang in there, honey.
It’ll be over soon.”
“That’s what you said yesterday.”
Bret walked over to his wife and caressed her shoulders
with his hands ever so gently. “I’m sorry about this,
sweetheart. I know how you hate being cooped up, but I’m
sure the bad weather won’t last much longer. It’ll
probably clear up in the middle of the night.”
“We’ve wasted two whole days! We could’ve been out in
the woods, enjoying the fresh air. We could’ve hiked to
the top of the mountain by now.”
Bret had hauled their sixteen-foot camper behind his
heavy-duty Dodge pickup truck so that they wouldn’t have
to stay in a hotel, and could enjoy the freedom of the
great outdoors. They planned to travel from one campsite
to another and then hike the trails along a section of
the Appalachian Mountains. They had planned their
adventure weeks in advance—but no one could predict the
awful weather they would encounter.
A nor’easter had taken them by surprise, forcing them to
put a halt to their mountain trek—if only temporarily.
Bret didn’t mind the change in plans. He could make the
best of any situation. But Lois was impatient and always
determined to get her way—no matter what. However, this
time was different. There was nothing she could do
except wait out the storm. She whined and complained,
saying that she hated being stuck in a camper for two
days.
This had definitely not been on her agenda.
Lois met Bret at a party the year before, and right from
the start she decided he was going to be the man she
would marry. He was handsome, rich and all the girls
wanted him. What more could she ask for? She was so
excited about the idea of marrying someone so important…
and rich.
The fact is, his money was the most appealing thing to
her. It had been that way right from the start. She was
mesmerized by all the nice things he had, and couldn’t
wait to move into his fabulously gigantic house—a house
that was furnished with expensive and lavish furniture.
She would rule the roost. She would plan grand parties
and show all her friends that she was now a woman of
means. She was no longer scrapping to get by.
But Bret, even though he had lived a lavish lifestyle,
had become a frugal man. He refused to waste money on
useless things, so he kept a tight reign on her
spending. She was given an allowance, and once she had
spent that, she was on her own. This infuriated her.
She quickly discovered that as far as she was concerned,
he wasn’t the most exciting man in bed after all. She
also hated the fact that he would come home every day
and sit in front of the television. It wouldn’t have
been so bad if he watched interesting programs, but all
he cared about was watching the news. He would surf the
networks until he found what he wanted to watch, and
then after he’d had enough of that channel, he would
start his search all over again. This went on until
dinner, and then after dinner, he would go to bed and
watch the news some more.
She wanted a social life… one more exciting than he was
giving her. She wanted to go to parties and meet
important people, but he wanted to stay home and raise a
family. She swore to herself that was not going to
happen. She would see to it. He had promised her the
world, but so far, all she had gotten was a tightwad
husband who was a bore. She was not about to be saddled
down with children!
She was still ticked off that he wouldn’t buy a new
Winnebago for the trip, but she let it slide because the
camper was fairly nice, all things considered. She could
deal with it for the time being. She knew she would
eventually have everything she ever wanted in the end…
and if everything went right on this excursion, the end
would be soon.
Yesterday, before the storm hit, they had planned to
hike the trail up to the waterfall at the top of the
mountain and have a picnic lunch. Bret would use his new
digital camera to capture the scenery and take shots of
his beautiful wife while she basked in the sun, or posed
sitting on a rock. The journey would be invigorating for
both of them.
Lois loved it when he photographed her. When she
returned, she would send the pictures over the net to
all her friends so they could see what a wonderful life
she was living. They would be so envious, and later,
they would grieve for her at the loss of her husband.
You see, Lois had a plan. She would go to the top of the
mountain with her husband, but she planned to return
alone—after she had pushed him off a cliff. It would be
so easy and no one would ever suspect that it was
anything but an accident… an unfortunate mishap. She
would tell them that her husband lost his footing and
tumbled down the side of the mountain, and even though
she tried to save him, she just wasn’t quick enough to
pull him from the jaws of death. Who would know the
difference? Who would be around to see? People slip and
fall on hiking trails all the time, and falling from a
cliff is usually a death sentence. The medical examiner
would rule his death an accident—plain and simple.
All she had to do was to get him to the top of the
mountain, make sure that no one was around, and then
shove him off a cliff. It would be an ugly death, but
bad things have been known to happen to good people.
Then everything he had would be hers. She almost smiled
when she thought about her plan, but knew better. She
had to conceal her elation from her husband. She had
been in a bad mood, and if he saw her smiling, he would
ask why. No, she had to keep her joy to herself. She had
to make it through the night without giving herself
away.
What would happen if Bret found out that she was tired
and disgusted with him? Would he try to work out their
problems, or would he just kick her out on the street?
After a simple dinner of salad and wine fixed by her
loving husband, Bret and Lois decided to call it a day.
There was nothing they could do about the storm, except
wait until it was over. Tomorrow would be a new day, and
they could pick up where they had left off.
As she lay in bed beside her snoring husband, she
couldn’t help but think about all the things she would
buy—once he was out of the picture. The first thing she
would do is go on a cruise. She would tell everyone that
she had to get away from all the pain and heartache. She
had to clear her head. Who would begrudge her a little
solace?
She dozed off with a smile on her face.
Morning came in all its brilliance. The sun bathe the
land as the wet leaves of the trees glistened in its
wake.
Bret, holding a cup of coffee in his hand, stepped out
of the camper, looked up at the sky and smiled. “Come
out here, Lois,” he said. “It’s going to be a beautiful
day.”
“Just let me get a cup of coffee first,” she replied as
she crawled out of bed. She dug into her duffel bag and
pulled out a pair of jeans and T-shirt. As she dressed,
she called to Bret. “Do you think I’ll need a sweater?”
“I don’t really think so, but it might be a good idea to
bring one along just in case.”
After throwing on her clothes, she walked to the door
and peered out. The sun blinded her just for a second.
“It sure is sunny out there,” she moaned as she withdrew
to the kitchen area. “I’ll be ready in a minute.”
“Take your time, honey,” Bret replied. “We’re in no
hurry.”
“That’s what you think,” she whispered to herself. “The
sooner we get going, the sooner this will all be over.”
“What did you say, dear?”
“Oh, nothing, sweetheart.” She pored herself a cup of
coffee. “I was just talking to myself.”
Bret walked back into the camper and said, “I fixed us a
picnic basket while you were sleeping. I hope you’ll
like it.” He turned and walked over to the basket
sitting on the counter, and then lifted the lid. “See—we
have tuna sandwiches, cheese, crackers, and fresh fruit.
I also added a bottle of red wine.”
“That sounds wonderful,” she said as she pretended to be
interested in anything he had to say. “We’re going to
have a good time,” she lied. “I love the mountains.”
The truth is—she hated the mountains. The only memory
she had of those times were the ones of sleeping in a
tent. She really hated that part. Her days of camping as
a child were not pleasant and she swore that she would
never do that again—once she had become an adult. And
she never did… until now.
She never conveyed this to Bret even when he suggested
the trip. As soon as he mentioned that he wanted to go
hiking, the wheels started spinning in her head,
conjuring up her scheme. What a perfect way to rid
herself of a cheapskate, boring husband! That’s when she
decided he was going to take a spill off the mountain
top.
“Are you about ready to go?” he asked as he picked up
the basket.
Lois grabbed her sweater, smiled and said, “I’m ready
whenever you are.”
“Then let’s go!”
Bret locked the door to the camper and then the doors to
his truck.
“Why are you locking up everything?”
Her mind went into a panic. How would she get back into
the camper and the truck if he fell off the mountain
with the keys in his pocket?
“I don’t feel comfortable leaving everything unlocked,”
he replied. “You never know who might be lurking about.”
“Don’t be silly,” Lois told him. “Besides, what would I
do if something happened to you and I couldn’t get
inside?”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell
phone.
“We have this,” he said. “If anything should happen to
either one of us, the other one could call for help.”
“What if there’s no signal out there?”
“You may have a point. I’ll tell you what. I have a
spare key to the camper in my glove box. I’ll go get
it.”
“What about an extra key for the truck?”
Bret turned and looked at her strangely. “Why are you so
concerned about having keys to everything?”
She stiffened. His question had hit home. She didn’t
want him to become suspicious, so she made up a story.
“When I went camping with my folks a long time ago, my
dad broke his leg. He slid and fell down the side of the
mountain, and my mother couldn’t reach him. She couldn’t
get in the car and go for help because he had the keys
in his pocket. We had to walk four miles to the nearest
house to call for help. My dad lay there in pain for
hours before he was rescued. I just don’t want something
like that to happen to you.”
“If you’re that worried… here… take the keys.” He handed
her the set of keys. “Just don’t drop them off a cliff
or we’ll be walking home.” He laughed.
She laughed, too.
“Do you feel better now?” he asked.
“I feel much better.” She smiled.
After walking for an hour, they finally reached the
waterfall. They both stood and took in the scenery. Lois
couldn’t get over how breathtaking it was.
“It’s so beautiful here.”
“Yes, it is,” Bret agreed. “Now you can see why I wanted
to come.”
Lois stood and looked around, surveying the area.
At the top of the mountain, the end of the trail was cut
off and guarded by a row of huge boulders set there by
man to keep curious hikers from getting too close to the
drop-off point. The area was a big, open space to view
the scenery, and a great place for a picnic.
“Where are we going from here?” Lois asked, trying to
conceal her excitement of things to come.
But she knew that if this was the end of the line for
them, there was no way she’d be able to accomplish her
goal. Bret wasn’t stupid enough to venture past the rock
wall. This would put a crimp in her plans.
Then a thought occurred to her. If she could just get
him to be adventurous enough to stand on one of the
boulders, that’s all it would take. She’d shove him over
the cliff! So what if he knew before he died that she
had been the one to cause his death? What would it
matter then?
She walked over and jumped up on one of the boulders.
“Look, Bret,” she said. “Come join me!”
“Get down from there right now, Lois. It’s not safe.” He
walked over to her and held out his hand. “Please come
down, Lois. You could fall.” He looked over the cliff
and gasped. “Please, get down right now! The ground’s
still wet and I bet your shoes are probably slippery,
too.”
“I have on hiking boots, Bret. I’m not going to fall.
Come on, jump up here with me. It’s so exciting to be
this close to the edge!”
Bret turned and walked away. “I’m not going to play your
silly game, Lois.”
Furious at him for being such a fuddy-duddy, she called
out to him as she danced around on the rock, “See, Bret.
I’m fine. Nothing’s going to happen. You’re just a
chicken.”
He turned and walked back over to her.
“I’m not scared,” he said, his voice dropping to a
whisper as not to upset her. “Please get down, honey. I
don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you.”
“Please Bret. Live a little.”
After much pleading, she finally coached him up onto the
boulder by promising that they would get down after one
minute… exactly.
She held his hand and then took a deep breath of the
fresh mountain air.
“You were right, Bret. This is so beautiful. I’m so glad
you brought me here.” She turned to him, let go of his
hand, and then said, “I lied. Die, sucker!”
She shoved him with all her might and watched as he
tumbled down the steep incline… into the abyss.
His screams echoed throughout the hills.
She jumped down off the huge rock and pranced about,
basking in her accomplishment.
By the time the rescue team finally got to her husband,
it was too late. He was already dead. Another round of
tears streamed down her checks when one of the EMTs said
that if they had only gotten to him sooner, he might
have stood a chance.
She told them over and over that she wished she had been
the one carrying the cell phone. Maybe her husband would
still be alive. She cried and cried, but her tears were
only for show. The whole time, she kept silently asking
herself how much longer this could possibly take. She
had things to do, people to see. She wanted to hurry
home and start her life over… as a rich widow.
Lois put on a good front in the following months. She
was right about the cruise. When she mentioned it, her
friends told her it was a good idea to get away for a
while. They promised it would do her a world of good.
She booked a cruise on the Bella Constance the next day,
heading to Bermuda. She was thrilled to be doing
something so exciting. To top it all off, she met a very
interesting man the first day on board.
He was single, handsome and appeared to be well-off,
financially. She could tell by the expensive clothes he
wore.
She didn’t question why a man of such means and obvious
good looks would take a cruise alone, but that was soon
answered during a private dinner in his luxurious
stateroom the next night.
“I have something special for you,” he said as he tossed
a large vanilla envelope on the dining table.
She smiled as she opened the envelope and dumped the
contents on the table. Unfortunately, her smile was
short-lived when she saw the pictures that had fallen
out.
Evidence of her husband’s murder lay spread out in front
of her.
“How…” she started to ask, but her mouth just fell
agape. She looked up at him, bewildered. “Where…”
“It doesn’t matter how or where,” he replied. “What
matters is—how are we going to spend all that money your
husband left you?”
She was shocked beyond belief. Bret had chosen that
specific spot because he said no one would be around for
miles.
He was wrong.
The End.
The moral of the story:
Someone is always watching.
*Note: The photo above is of
Ann Mullen, not Lois the husband killer.
©2007. All rights reserved.
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